As a general rule, I would rather have one of something “spectacular” than two of something “very good”. I would rather own one Mercedes than two Chevy Impalas. I would rather hook up with Megan Fox than any two girls at SUNY Albany. I’m sure the Lakers would let Andrew Bynum and Ron Artest walk before Kobe Bryant, and I’m equally sure Nas would take every copy of “It Was Written” and “Hip Hop is Dead” out of circulation to keep “Illmatic” in record stores everywhere. Humans like the very good (Catch Me If You Can) and rave about the transcendent (Saving Private Ryan). As Mike Greenberg of ESPN Radio once quipped: “Two nickels don’t necessarily equal a dime”.

Greenie’s advice is particularly good for the UAlbany Student Association’s concert commission. It has long been a tradition (and by “it has long been a tradition” I mean to say “in the two years that I’ve been here”) to provide students with two concerts; one first semester towards the end of fall, and one at the end of the year. The end of the year concert is either called “Parkfest” (and by “park” they mean to say “in a big fucking gym”) or, like this year, “We got lazy and told Flo-Rida that if he came to Fountain Day and danced vigorously with a microphone in his hand we would buy him lunch at Five Guys” Fest. The concert was as impressive as the name was catchy, and since we were all in a fountain, no one was wearing apple bottom jeans, nor, even more regrettably, boots with the furs.

In spite of the ill advised foray into the world of Tramar Dillard, I gotta say that the concert commission has done a “very good” job. You can’t argue with the lineup two years ago featuring Lupe Fiasco in the Fall and Nas in the Spring. Unless, of course, you’re like me, and would rather see all available concert funds pooled together to have one absolutely awesome concert. Lupe and Nas were both great concerts, but they will not be filed under the heading of “transcendent memories of college that I will not forget even when I’m shitting all over myself in a nursing home.” Lupe only played for around 45 minutes, and Nas sported his patented “eeeek, there’s more than five white people in this room” scowl for much of the show. Not all college concerts are like this: very good, with some definite qualifiers and quibbles. Some are just fucking awesome. I have a friend who goes to Penn State, and she speaks of the Jay-Z concert that she attended in reverential tones, almost the same way you’d expect a recently ordained priest to speak of meeting the Pope, if only the Pope had golden hair and spoke only in in four part harmony while accompanying himself on the harp. He’d probably have to levitate for good measure. She says that when the lights went down, everyone was screaming like the girls at the Ed Sullivan theatre for the Beatles first performance in America. She said he didn’t seem to treat it any differently than a show at a major venue- he was into it from the beginning and really responded to the student’s rabid energy, a vibe that you can only really find at a college concert. This is really not surprising; Jay is the ultimate professional. He performs with the cool execution of Jordan dicing up a defense in his prime, and, like Jordan, has a keen sense of the moment- he knows when to kick it back and get real with “Song Cry”, and he knows when to make everyone lose it with “PSA”. There is a definite “I can’t believe I’m in the same room as Jay-Z” factor, too. The chills of a transcendent concert, like a Jay-Z show, leave you with an afterglow that can overpower a week of shitty classes, laundry, and tasteless food. Isn’t that worth sacrificing a rather ordinarily good concert for? Isn’t the opportunity to have one uniquely memorable college weekend a better prospect than two really fun ones?

If we can agree that efficiently pooling the resources (no $30,000 Sean Kingston- esque
openers, only need to pay security and staff once, ect) for one better concert is worth it, the big question looms- What artist is worth the money? Essentially, I think finances indicate whether we get a Tier One Super-Duper Concert Star or a Tier Two Super Concert Star. A tier one star is a tried and true mega-stud of entertainment who transcends their genre, generates headlines even when they don’t have an upcoming album or concert tour, has truly elite chops (sorry, Lady Gaga) and would generate interest among students who don’t listen to them but would wind up going just because its a chance to witness someone that famous in person. A Tier Two Super Concert Star may not be as tried and true, but a more recent phenomena that may wind up having tons of staying power- or may not. If they don’t transcend their genre, they are about as good as it gets in their own. They may not generate non music related headlines, but you could easily find them interviewed in any national magazine on any topic. Their chops may not be elite, but would be very good, and would generate 85% as much non-fan interest as a Tier One.
Tier One would include, but would not be limited to-
-Jay-Z
-Eminem
-Beyonce
-Coldplay
-Springsteen
-The White Stripes
-Lil Wayne
-Kanye West
-Alicia Keys

Tier Two would include, but would not be limited to-
-Passion Pit
-The Kings of Leon
-Lady Gaga
-Taylor Swift
-MGMT
-Drake (with another fairly big name)
-Kid Kudi (with another fairly big name)
-MIA (with another fairly big name)
-The Roots

I realize this may seem excessive- a long, meandering blog post all about having one concert instead of two. Like its really that big of a deal? Recall, though, that I am not that cool and live to listen to good music. Having our concerts at school be 100% as memorable as possible instead of 68% is meaningful to me, and if I can get a revised, coherent, concise, and well written version of this blog post in the school paper, maybe someone will listen. Or maybe not. At the very least, I hope you’ll debate the “Tier One vs. Tier Two” acts with me, and maybe come up with some of your own. And by “you” I primarily mean Mike Campana . In any case, at least whatever show we get will be more entertaining than the regularly scheduled SEFCU programming, the basketball team, assuming we at least eclipse “Interpretive Dance with Rosie O’Donnel” levels. I remain eternally optimistic.

Heat sign Bosh, League's Lone Avatar

It was a celebratory press conference for the faithful in Wade County Wednesday afternoon. The Miami Heat added low post scoring, shot blocking, and, most notably, diversity to a previously all human locker room Friday by receiving a commitment from high profile free agent Chris Bosh. The coveted forward made an electric entrance by arriving to the Heat's practice facility on a massive reptilian bird. Bosh, the league's only Avatar, parked his winged Ikran named Ayowe next to fellow superstar Dwyane Wade's new Boxter Z380. A tense moment ensued as Ayowe ate Wade's recently purchased automobile in three swift chomps, but Wade made light of the situation when he quipped to reporters that "honestly, I was glad I could film that whole thing with my Sidekick and send it to Chuck. He's in my five you know!." "Dwyane's humor really makes me feel welcome here in Miami. I think with my new deal being set in place, I'll be able to buy him a new one" Bosh hissed through a translator.
Bosh, though short by Avatar standards, (the average is 9'6) stands 6'10, extremely tall for a human and more than adequate to play the power forward position in the NBA. With a dangerous mid range jump shot, an array of post moves and deft passing ability, Bosh is a highly polished forward. However, it is his remarkable agility and explosiveness that truly sets him apart. Though blogspot cautions against speciesism, one NBA scout who spoke on the condition of anonymity tells us that "Avatars just jump out of the freaking gym. You just can't teach it. Its really tough for humans to keep up."
The Heat were bounced from the 2010 playoffs by the eventual Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics, largely because they were unable to find a reliable second scoring option to take some of the pressure off Wade. Bosh, coming off a season in which he averaged 24 points per game, is an ideal candidate to provide the spark that Miami has lacked offensively. "The only place Chris won't score is in the hotel room" said General Manager Pat Riley, wryly smiling as he referenced Bosh's unique anatomical make up as an Avatar. Riley did acknowledge that Bosh probably would not be aroused by human women anyway. "The less distractions the better, at least from our perspective" Riley commented. When asked if his lack of visible genitalia would be an issue with his teammates in the locker room, Riley was dismissive. "We just had Jermaine O'Neil here for two seasons, and he didn't have any balls either. He got along just fine."
The Heat are making some special adjustments for Bosh within the organization. Bosh asked that all employees donate 10% of their salaries to organizations that promote world peace. Additionally, he demanded that the grounds and maintenance staff stop pulling weeds and spraying insecticide because he claims that it "radically disrupts his life force". Team dinners will also now feature five quarts of berries imported from Bosh's native Navi. "Its pretty much all I eat, so it would be great if I didn't have to bring them from my dwelling" the talented forward said. When asked about how he related to Bosh's pricey demands, coach Erik Spolestra said that he "would let him [Bosh] play in war paint and a loin cloth if he puts up 20-10 every night". Famous last words.