NBA Trimester Awards

Since ESPN.com’s Mark Stein (affectionately known as “Steiny-Mo” on the Simmons podcast) handed out his Trimester Awards late, I don’t feel bad about doing so either. We still have a little stretch run left until the All Star-Break, so I feel like this isn’t a horrendous idea. In any case, I’m writing a blog post again, something that happens about as frequently as a Fiona Apple record. (Although my blogs are about .00045% as well crafted and enjoyable as the songs that she throws away and considers awful ideas). Without further ado, your mathematically incorrect Trimester Elmira College style (whats good cuz?) awards!

MVP
- Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
How could I possibly pick Wade? Derrick Rose is assuming super-star status in Chicago, Dirk has shouldered a heavier burden than any primary offensive option in the league, Manu has the Spurs playing like a faster version of their 2007 Championship squad and Wade’s own running mate Lebron James is putting up better all around numbers than he is. How could a player flanked by two All Stars possibly have the same value as someone like Derron Williams, who has the Jazz atop their division despite the fact that his best teammate (Al Jefferson) is struggling to adapt to Jerry Sloan’s system and no one outside of Salt Lake City can name another guard on his team? How could Wade take ownership of a season when Amare Stoudemire is taking ownership of the best basketball town in the world by playing the best all around ball of his life in front of the most fawning media on the planet (without Steve Nash, no less)? The claim that Wade has been the MVP so far seems a bit dubious, until you consider the following:
-Though Pat Riley has received most of the credit for convincing James and Bosh to bring their respective talents to South Beach, Wade must have been equally instrumental to the process. Wade has been friends with James and Bosh for years, having broken into the league with them in 2003. He competed with them at the international level, securing a gold medal with his pals in 2008. I think its telling that James was unable to convince Bosh to flank him in Cleveland, and equally interesting that Wade and James didn’t join forces in Chicago with a loaded supporting cast that includes Rose, warrior Joakim Noah, and the resurgent Luol Deng. Though Pat Riley is an undeniably charismatic individual, Lebron James didn’t come to the Miami Heat to play with him. He came to play with Wade, a lethal scorer, clutch performer, and proven winner. The force of Wade’s cooler-than cool persona and resume (scoring champ, Finals MVP, 7 time All-Star) allowed him to lure the biggest free agent prize in the history of athletics to his squad. That’s value in spades. If Pat Riley is the basketball equivalent of the Godfather, Don Vito Corleone, then Wade is certainly Michael. Just ask Shaq.
-Wade had no training camp and virtually no preseason due to a nagging ham string injury, so it was difficult for him to become acclimated to his new teammates early on in the season. After starting out 9-8, Miami has won 19 of 20 and stolen the spot light from the Laker’s pursuit of a three peat. The Heat really got rolling in December, and Wade put up the following money ball numbers- 28 points, 7 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals, a block, and 54% from the field, an incredibly efficient shooting percentage for a guard. He is at the absolute apex of his powers as a basketball player. He still has outstanding athleticism; his blend of agility, power, and quickness is unmatched at his position, and, at 29, has the experience and guile fitting of an NBA veteran who has performed on the highest stage.
-Wade excels on both ends of the floor, something that can’t be said for fellow candidates like Dirk (an average defender) and Rose (point guards shred other point guards, with rare exceptions). Since defensive stalwarts like Kevin Garnett and Rajon Rondo have missed some time due to injury, and since Dwight Howard, for all of the talk of his attendance at “Hakeem Camp” is still struggling to put up even Ewing like scoring tallies, I can’t take them seriously as MVP candidates. A great example of Wades lock down prowess- holding a frustrated Kobe Bryant to 17 points on Christmas day.
-Wade is the most dominant perimeter player in the game, in the sense that he has no problem taking over a game completely and going into “we’re winning because I’m on the floor and that is all there is to it” mode. He attacks the basket with a reckless abandon, high lighted by stretches where he is either going to score at the rim or go to the line and make the free throws. He owns one of the deadliest mid range jumpers this side of Richard Hamilton, and has a devastating post up game that he saves for smaller guards who match up with him because of their quickness. In summary, he blows by the likes of Ron Artest, posts up smaller guards like Jrue Holiday, and relies on his midrange game against rangy, smart defenders like Kobe and Stephen Jackson. How do you defend Wade when he’s on? You pray that Carlos Arroyo gets reckless and starts chucking.
-So why Wade over Lebron? Simple- The Heat have overcome early season adversity en route to becoming the team of the season so far, and Wade assembled the squad on his terms, in his town. Is Wade a better player than Lebron? Probably not. But 15 years from now, I’ll remember that Wade helped pull the strings to provide the city of Miami with the most explosive collection of talent in franchise history, and did so while playing some of the best all around ball of his stellar career. Simply put, if Steve Nash can win a couple MVPs because they got rid of hand checking rules, Wade gets one for pulling this shit off.

6th Man of the Year
- Jason Terry, Dallas Mavericks.
What’s the difference between San Antontio’s George Hill, Atlanta’s Jamal Crawford and Terry? While all three provide an integral scoring punch off the bench for contenders, Terry excels during the fourth quarters of games, taking a bit of the crunch time scoring pressure off Dirk. His jumpers come in dizzying barrages from every conceivable angle and distance, including a ludicrous, back breaking 28 foot bomb against Portland this week. So baller is Terry that he has taken to raising 4 fingers during the fourth quarter to signify the beginning of his office hours. Bonus points for showing no signs of decline at age 33 in his 12th NBA campaign, and for hijacking Kenny “the Jet” Smith’s nick name. Too much respect for that (Arizona Wild) cat.

Defensive Player of the Year
-Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
Could mayyyybe have been KG, but his recent injury and Howard’s ever improving basketball IQ make this one a pretty easy pick. Howard has always had the ability to prowl the paint, grab tons of defensive rebounds and block shots, but his ability to cover for teammates on screens and off of dribble penetration has shown that he has become as smart defensively as he is athletic. Considering some of the bums that he plays with on defense (Hedo, Richardson, J.J. “I’m trying really hard and am pretty physical but still get abused off the dribble by anyone remotely quick” Redick) its remarkable that Orlando has been able to pull of their 9 game win streak. 13 boards, 2.5 blocks and 1.2 steals for a super athletic, agile center who swallows up pick and rolls and contests every shot within 10 feet of the rim? Good enough for me. You can probably pencil him in for this one for the next 5 or 6 years.

Rookie of the Year
- Blake Griffin, LA Clippers.
Obviously the easiest pick on the board. Though the ESPN top 10 plays has now officially been renamed “Our fucking awesome Blake Griffin Segement”, you can’t let the highlight reel slams overshadow how productive his all around game is; he is just as much steak as sizzle. He’s currently tossing up a 22-13-3 on 52% shooting. He has a 22 game double-double streak going. He has completely changed the competitive nature of a previously dispirited franchise. He is the best rookie big man since Tim Duncan, and has a legitimate chance to be better than him. He is a better athlete than Duncan ever was, though Duncan had a much better command at the defensive end as a rookie. Whatever. If we’re talking about him having a chance to be the greatest power forward ever, he’s certainly the rookie of the year.

Coach of the Year- ?
Who knows? This is one of the dumbest award categories in sports. For one thing, we have no idea what these guys do in practice every day and, with apologies to the great Allen Iverson, that instruction and planning is integral to their worth as a coach. For all I know, Mike D’Antoni lets the Knicks play half court knockout every morning, break for lunch, then come back and go swimming. Also, recipients of the award are generally coaches of teams who are
a) completely dominant and eviscerate everyone (Think Geno or Torre, heads of teams that would’ve won even if they were autistic) or
b) a pleasant surprise (think Sam Mitchell a few years ago for the Raptors.)
That’s pretty retarded. Did Toronto have a better year than expected because Sam Mitchell coached his ass off, or because Chris Bosh improved his rebounding, honed his ability to get buckets down the stretch of close games and became a true franchise guy? They also played in a shitty division that included the Knicks at their most dismal and the pre- big 3 Celtics. Mitchell was fired by the Raptors a year and a half later, so are we really supposed to believe that he was the best coach in the NBA in 2006? Mike Brown, your 2008-2009 Coach of the Year and architect of the imaginative “let’s have everyone stand around and watch Lebron go 1 on 5” offense, was fired this past off season. To further debunk this preposterous award, Phil Jackson, Gregg Popovich and Jerry Sloan, the holy trinity of NBA coaches over the past 15 years, have combined for 2 Coach of the Year victories. Mike Dunleavy and Del Harris have as many Coach of the Year wins as them. Huh? I officially boycott this award, forever.

Executive of the Year
- Pat Riley, Miami Heat
Ummmm, yeah.

Dude who needs to be traded before he wastes the rest of his career toiling away in obscurity
- Stephen Jackson, Charlotte Bobcats.
Captain Jack is one of the association’s most underrated players- always regarded as a committed defender, Jackson does a little bit of everything on offense, too (18-5-5) and has aged extremely well due to his powerful frame and his promise to sodomize any player who fouls him hard or “steps to me like they know shit”. (Sasha Vuvacic thought he was joking, then grew out his hair and became a girl. Those two events are highly related.). Now that Caron Butler is out for the season with a knee injury, the Mavs should grab him before he beats the shit out of owner Michael Jordan and ruins my childhood.

All NBA 1st, 2nd and 3rd Teams
First Team
G Rajon Rondo
G Dwyane Wade
F Lebron James
F Amare Stoudemire
C Dwight Howard

Second Team
G Kobe Bryant
G Derrick Rose
F Kevin Durant
F Dirk Nowitzki
C Pau Gasol

Third Team
G Chris Paul
G Derron Williams
F Kevin Garnett
F Blake Griffin
C Al Horford

Honorable Mention: Steve Nash, Tyson Chandler, Carmelo Anthony, Russell Westbrooke, Kevin Love, Manu Ginobili, Andrew “Paul Harris” Stummer, Monta Ellis, Paul Pierce, Rudy Gay

Note: I did it how the NBA does it on the all-star ballot- two guards, two forwards, and a center, with no differentiation based on shooting or point guard or small or power forward. Clearly, Dirk is a top 5 player, but Lebron is a forward, and I couldn't quite do that to the most talented basketball specimen on the planet.



Finals Prediction
- Celts vs. Lakers.
The Celtics simply have the most good players in basketball, and are sitting pretty at 28-8 without the services of their starting center, Kendrick Perkins.. They have learned what it takes to win in the playoffs- elite shot makers like Allen and Pierce, big bodies to handle the grind it out wars in the trenches, and a defense anchored by Garnett and Perk (two of the best help defenders in the game) and Rondo (always near the top of the league in steals).
The Lakers will limp in for one reason and one reason only- they’re fucking huge. In a 7 game series, you just get worn down by multiple battles with Gasol, Bynum, and Odom. Kobe will probably break another eleven fingers and play on his knee until it is roughly the size of a beach ball, get it drained before the playoffs, tape his appendages together and do work. One of these springs, the 15 seasons of long, physical playoff runs will catch up to him and he’ll lose the lift on his jumper the same way he’s lost his ability to consistently attack the rim, but my gut tells me it won’t be this year, at least not with MJ’s standard of 6 rings in sight. I’m calling another 7 game series with the Celts coming out on top, but I wouldn’t be shocked in the least bit to see Phil and co. ride off into the sunset.
More than anything, I can’t wait to watch it all unfold. Us hoopheads are lucky enough to witness the convergence of a three distinct basketball generations. The Kobe-Garnett- Kidd-Duncan era is still somehow excelling (they all start on contenders). The Wade-Lebron-Howard-Paul era is taking the mantle as the dominant force in the league, but the young guns like Rose, Durant, Westbrooke and Rondo are offering a stiff challenge earlier than anyone expected. Every basketball fan, from Spike Lee at the Garden to Joel Tirado in my living room knows how lucky they are. Let the real games begin.

Interview for Journalism 200z

Effortless
Bisexuality no burden for Claire Luber, who seems to take everything in stride.

Usually when a person who isn’t straight comes out to a friend and it doesn’t go well, the “friend” does not accept the concrete, tangible reality that is now out in the open. Closed mindedness, homophobia or insecurity about his own sexuality causes the listener feelings of awkwardness and even condemnation. Claire Luber, a brilliantly incisive 21-year- old junior at UAlbany majoring in Forensic Chemistry, has the opposite problem as a bisexual: hardly anyone takes her sexual orientation seriously. “Since so many drunk college girls make out at parties and sort of glorify it as part of their normal experimentation, people just assume that my sexual orientation is a phase. It bothers me. People must think that I haven’t thought this through.”
Luber speaks about her sexuality with confidence and candor. “Honestly, I wouldn’t choose to be straight if I could. If I did, it would be like admitting that there was a problem with it. Being bisexual is literally no inconvenience on my life at all. Plus, I’m half straight anyway.” She identifies UAlbany as a mostly positive environment for people with varying sexual orientations. “You know, it sure isn’t Providence Town, and I don’t see a lot of straight people jumping on the gay pride community bandwagon, but no one has ever discriminated against me here. I’ve never felt judged by anyone once I got them to believe that I’m actually bisexual.”
Her environment, however, has not always been quite so conducive. “My Dad joked with me about it and was really supportive when I came out to him freshman year. He said it was a total non issue to him. " Claire’s mother’s reaction was markedly more tempered. “It made my mom a little uncomfortable. She said that she would just have to try and understand it, but now we just don’t talk about it very much, and I guess thats fine with me. We still have a great relationship.”
Claire’s high school in Syracuse was not very gay friendly, so it was easy for her to focus on boys in during her teen years and write off her attractions to girls as “just noticing which ones were pretty, like anyone else would.” When her freshman year of college came around, Claire met a girl who sparked a change in the practice of her sexuality. “I made friends with this girl that was bi early on in the semester, and I found out she had a crush on me. I thought she was really hot, but I was so scared to make a move”. Luber cites her inexperience with girls as the source of intense nervousness. “I was so deathly afraid that I would do something wrong that I had to be drunk to get the courage to try and talk to her about it. I’d hooked up with guys before obviously, but this just seemed like a whole different thing. Finally, one night, she walked me home, I’d been drinking, and I just grabbed her and threw her into my dorm room. I went for it, and when I kissed her I almost threw up from how nervous I was. I was shaking, but after I got over the initial shock everything was great.”
Luber’s story is a refreshing one. In wake of the recent crisis at Rutgers, it is good to know that there are college students who are comfortable enough with their sexuality to affirm it openly without fear of condemnation. You won’t come across many individuals with a stronger sense of self than Ms. Luber. When I asked her what she thought of concept of gay pride, Luber replied that “it’s great for people to be comfortable with their sexuality and to be vocal about that if they want to be, but I’m just proud of who I am. I like girls, and I like guys. Just the way it is.” The interview ended there. We sat in silence for a few seconds, neither of us exactly sure what people talk about after discursive sexuality discussions for journalistic purposes. A guy in a UAlbany soccer hoodie walked by and locked his eyes on Claire, who was sporting a pretty short skirt and wore a cream flower in her hair. She flashed him a quick smile and he sheepishly looked away, at least as nervous as Claire was before her first hookup with a girl. She melted him. "He never had a chance, did he? I asked. "Nope," she said, without even looking up from her notebook. Luber had some serious chemistry homework to attend to, as well as a radio show to plan. I’d be proud, too.

Some thoughts I had today while mowing the lawn at work:

If there is a common link among Voltaire, Franklin, Mozart, Descartes, and Shakespeare, I would imagine that it is a deep seated affinity for lawn mowing. I get all of my best ideas while mowing the lawn, and those men were all really good at having the best ideas. I find that lawn mowing requires just enough focus so as to prevent laboring over a thought to the extent of exhaustion or loss of enthusiasm, but is rhythmically repetitive enough to allow the brain to flow freely while the body is on semi-auto pilot. There is no pressure to come up with anything good, because, after all, you aren’t the CEO of a Washington think tank, you’re mowing a damn lawn. Anything else that comes of it besides shorter grass and burnt calories is icing on the cake..........

I am amiss in not mentioning John Adams with the aforementioned lawn mowing luminaries. I’m reading a biography of Adams this summer (this will be deemed the third gayest thing about me, aside from the red pants and making out with dudes) and am thoroughly impressed. Well written in a scholarly, but not professorial tone by noted historian/author David McCullough, I have found out some awesome things about Adams that I’d like to pass along:

He was the primary drafter of the Massachusetts Constitution, the longest standing constitution IN THE WORLD!!! In spite of the fact that I was drilled from a young age to believe that the New York State Constitution was the primary influence of our nation’s governing document, (potentially an example of educational bias) the very structure of the United States Constitution was taken from Adams' creation, which included a preamble and a declaration of rights. Adams called for a governor, a judiciary, and a two house legislature, an early nod to the importance of the separation of powers. The two house legislature was of particular importance to Adams, who judged an ambitious aristocracy a greater threat to the democratic process than a strong executive, and therefore explains why he felt the legislature needed an additional check upon itself. This ideology eventually distanced him from some contemporaries like Thomas Jefferson, who was wary of a strong executive and favored a smaller government. That is, of course, until he became President, and proceeded to double the size of the country, unsuccessfully attempt to invoke “executive privilege” to get out of testifying against Aaron Burr (who he accused of treason in the first place), and create an executive order against blacks being letter carriers, in spite of the fact that he banged his slave Sally Hemming so often that Bill Clinton cited Jefferson as the “president I patterned my extra marital sex life after. “ Great dude, that Jefferson.

While keeping the home front in order by writing tons of love letters to his wife Abagail, Adams turned his hotel room into a 1780s version of the Young Money tour bus while on extended diplomatic missions in Europe. Adams is the captain of the “underrated pimps team,” with co-captain Buddy Holly, and additional teammates Napoleon and Ghengis Khan, (pretty much picked from their massive empires) and Ramses II, who reportedly sired over 100 children and erected nearly as many pyramids.

Adams is totally misrepresented by history as a bland, bookish douchebag. Though he had a temper and was the pre-eminent legal scholar in America, Adams was a certifiable badass. While on diplomatic voyage to England, his naval ship became embroiled in a heated battle with a British war vessel. The captain implored him to stay in his quarters below the deck, but only minutes later he saw Adams up top, musket in hand, firing shots at the enemy and yelping commands at young soldiers. On another occasion, his sea transport to Spain from Britain was going to be delayed three months, so he was like “fuck it, I’ll go over the Alps on horseback because I’m John Adams, my cousin Sam Whiz makes moderately listenable hip-hop and I’m a G”.........

Its getting harder for me to justify my “Kobe v A-Rod” comparison. Through high school, I always considered them pretty similar: supremely talented, supremely vain, too focused on money and personal accolades, and, as the primary offensive option on a playoff team, more likely to amass gaudy stats than hardware. In the last couple years, though, A-Rod’s image seems to have really regressed, and Kobe seems to have elevated his historical status from “remarkable scorer, petulant child” to “remarkable competitor you’ll tell your children about”. The big difference seems to be that A-Rod’s biggest flaws (inability to deal with pressure, disingenuous nature, selfishness) were all legitimized by the most significant development of his career, his admission to PED use, while Bryant’s flaws (competitiveness to the point of ridiculousness, need to be “the guy” at all costs, obsession with MJ’s legacy that Bill Simmons deemed “creepy”) almost became positives in the midst of the most significant development of his career, his two championships without Shaq. All of the sudden, he’s driven, he’s clutch, and he’s (fairly or unfairly) being compared to Jordan. It doesn’t help A-Rod’s case that he hit below .270 in four consecutive playoff series in the mid-2000s with the Yankees, while Kobe has built his reputation on being an efficiently durable playoff machine. Simmons noted that Kobe’s ability to re-invent himself after the rape trial as an all business, super focused basketball assassin gave him a cache, an identity, something that A-Rod has never been able to develop. Sure, Kobe still has flaws; anyone who saw Spike Lee’s documentary knows that A-Rod isn’t the only pro athlete who is less than genuine for the cameras, but I think that the 2010 finals are a microcosm of Kobe’s career- classic all around play on both ends of the floor- (28-8-4-2 steals-89%FT), slightly too much chucking (40% FG), unmatched tough shot making in the face of great defense, showed his underrated ability to orchestrate the offense (anyone who thinks Derek Fisher is a point guard and not a spot up shooter who occasionally dribbles the ball up court when Kobe lets him is kidding themselves. Next time you watch a Lakers game this season, notice how many great passes Kobe makes that lead to assists) and one game where it was apparent he didn’t have it, forced the issue anyways in his quest to be the biggest stud in senior hall at all times, hurt his team in the process and had to be rescued by the best big guy in the league. The difference: now he gets it and shows flashes of humility, admitting after the game that he got caught up in the moment, wanted it too badly, and was bailed out by his good friend “the Spaniard. ” (Gasol, who turned in a spirited 19-18). After A-Rod’s absolutely monster 2007 season (.314, 54 HRs, 156 RBI) if you told me that by 2010, he would be taking self awareness lessons from a solidly more productive Kobe Bryant, I’d tell you you were nuts. Sort of like how you’ll tell me I’m nuts when I craft my “Lebron James is still the best player in basketball” blog, coming very soon.....

Lots of people in early rock and roll were not fantastic instrumentalists, in the same way that the people on Jersey Shore are not fantastic scholars. Many people would probably assume Elvis was good at guitar because he was an iconic rock star who, by all accounts, played guitar, never mind the fact he often had it draped around his neck like an ornament and sometimes didn’t touch it for songs at a time. Elvis would not stick out around a campfire on the merits of his guitar playing. Same for Johnny Cash, ditto for Ringo Starr on the drums in his early years (listen to the percussion on “Love Me Do” sometime. Ouch). You know who was not all all like this? Ray Charles. Ray Charles, aside from having one of the most distinct and acrobatic voices in pop music, absolutely murdered the piano and organ. Equally adept at laying down the swaying backbone for a sweet gospel joint or taking the listener on a joyously meandering jazz solo, Charles had total command of his instrument. (Trying to avoid cheap blind joke, still trying, struggling........) This command was doubly impressive, because he couldn’t read sheet music, or anything else. (Damn.)

As a general rule, I would rather have one of something “spectacular” than two of something “very good”. I would rather own one Mercedes than two Chevy Impalas. I would rather hook up with Megan Fox than any two girls at SUNY Albany. I’m sure the Lakers would let Andrew Bynum and Ron Artest walk before Kobe Bryant, and I’m equally sure Nas would take every copy of “It Was Written” and “Hip Hop is Dead” out of circulation to keep “Illmatic” in record stores everywhere. Humans like the very good (Catch Me If You Can) and rave about the transcendent (Saving Private Ryan). As Mike Greenberg of ESPN Radio once quipped: “Two nickels don’t necessarily equal a dime”.

Greenie’s advice is particularly good for the UAlbany Student Association’s concert commission. It has long been a tradition (and by “it has long been a tradition” I mean to say “in the two years that I’ve been here”) to provide students with two concerts; one first semester towards the end of fall, and one at the end of the year. The end of the year concert is either called “Parkfest” (and by “park” they mean to say “in a big fucking gym”) or, like this year, “We got lazy and told Flo-Rida that if he came to Fountain Day and danced vigorously with a microphone in his hand we would buy him lunch at Five Guys” Fest. The concert was as impressive as the name was catchy, and since we were all in a fountain, no one was wearing apple bottom jeans, nor, even more regrettably, boots with the furs.

In spite of the ill advised foray into the world of Tramar Dillard, I gotta say that the concert commission has done a “very good” job. You can’t argue with the lineup two years ago featuring Lupe Fiasco in the Fall and Nas in the Spring. Unless, of course, you’re like me, and would rather see all available concert funds pooled together to have one absolutely awesome concert. Lupe and Nas were both great concerts, but they will not be filed under the heading of “transcendent memories of college that I will not forget even when I’m shitting all over myself in a nursing home.” Lupe only played for around 45 minutes, and Nas sported his patented “eeeek, there’s more than five white people in this room” scowl for much of the show. Not all college concerts are like this: very good, with some definite qualifiers and quibbles. Some are just fucking awesome. I have a friend who goes to Penn State, and she speaks of the Jay-Z concert that she attended in reverential tones, almost the same way you’d expect a recently ordained priest to speak of meeting the Pope, if only the Pope had golden hair and spoke only in in four part harmony while accompanying himself on the harp. He’d probably have to levitate for good measure. She says that when the lights went down, everyone was screaming like the girls at the Ed Sullivan theatre for the Beatles first performance in America. She said he didn’t seem to treat it any differently than a show at a major venue- he was into it from the beginning and really responded to the student’s rabid energy, a vibe that you can only really find at a college concert. This is really not surprising; Jay is the ultimate professional. He performs with the cool execution of Jordan dicing up a defense in his prime, and, like Jordan, has a keen sense of the moment- he knows when to kick it back and get real with “Song Cry”, and he knows when to make everyone lose it with “PSA”. There is a definite “I can’t believe I’m in the same room as Jay-Z” factor, too. The chills of a transcendent concert, like a Jay-Z show, leave you with an afterglow that can overpower a week of shitty classes, laundry, and tasteless food. Isn’t that worth sacrificing a rather ordinarily good concert for? Isn’t the opportunity to have one uniquely memorable college weekend a better prospect than two really fun ones?

If we can agree that efficiently pooling the resources (no $30,000 Sean Kingston- esque
openers, only need to pay security and staff once, ect) for one better concert is worth it, the big question looms- What artist is worth the money? Essentially, I think finances indicate whether we get a Tier One Super-Duper Concert Star or a Tier Two Super Concert Star. A tier one star is a tried and true mega-stud of entertainment who transcends their genre, generates headlines even when they don’t have an upcoming album or concert tour, has truly elite chops (sorry, Lady Gaga) and would generate interest among students who don’t listen to them but would wind up going just because its a chance to witness someone that famous in person. A Tier Two Super Concert Star may not be as tried and true, but a more recent phenomena that may wind up having tons of staying power- or may not. If they don’t transcend their genre, they are about as good as it gets in their own. They may not generate non music related headlines, but you could easily find them interviewed in any national magazine on any topic. Their chops may not be elite, but would be very good, and would generate 85% as much non-fan interest as a Tier One.
Tier One would include, but would not be limited to-
-Jay-Z
-Eminem
-Beyonce
-Coldplay
-Springsteen
-The White Stripes
-Lil Wayne
-Kanye West
-Alicia Keys

Tier Two would include, but would not be limited to-
-Passion Pit
-The Kings of Leon
-Lady Gaga
-Taylor Swift
-MGMT
-Drake (with another fairly big name)
-Kid Kudi (with another fairly big name)
-MIA (with another fairly big name)
-The Roots

I realize this may seem excessive- a long, meandering blog post all about having one concert instead of two. Like its really that big of a deal? Recall, though, that I am not that cool and live to listen to good music. Having our concerts at school be 100% as memorable as possible instead of 68% is meaningful to me, and if I can get a revised, coherent, concise, and well written version of this blog post in the school paper, maybe someone will listen. Or maybe not. At the very least, I hope you’ll debate the “Tier One vs. Tier Two” acts with me, and maybe come up with some of your own. And by “you” I primarily mean Mike Campana . In any case, at least whatever show we get will be more entertaining than the regularly scheduled SEFCU programming, the basketball team, assuming we at least eclipse “Interpretive Dance with Rosie O’Donnel” levels. I remain eternally optimistic.

Heat sign Bosh, League's Lone Avatar

It was a celebratory press conference for the faithful in Wade County Wednesday afternoon. The Miami Heat added low post scoring, shot blocking, and, most notably, diversity to a previously all human locker room Friday by receiving a commitment from high profile free agent Chris Bosh. The coveted forward made an electric entrance by arriving to the Heat's practice facility on a massive reptilian bird. Bosh, the league's only Avatar, parked his winged Ikran named Ayowe next to fellow superstar Dwyane Wade's new Boxter Z380. A tense moment ensued as Ayowe ate Wade's recently purchased automobile in three swift chomps, but Wade made light of the situation when he quipped to reporters that "honestly, I was glad I could film that whole thing with my Sidekick and send it to Chuck. He's in my five you know!." "Dwyane's humor really makes me feel welcome here in Miami. I think with my new deal being set in place, I'll be able to buy him a new one" Bosh hissed through a translator.
Bosh, though short by Avatar standards, (the average is 9'6) stands 6'10, extremely tall for a human and more than adequate to play the power forward position in the NBA. With a dangerous mid range jump shot, an array of post moves and deft passing ability, Bosh is a highly polished forward. However, it is his remarkable agility and explosiveness that truly sets him apart. Though blogspot cautions against speciesism, one NBA scout who spoke on the condition of anonymity tells us that "Avatars just jump out of the freaking gym. You just can't teach it. Its really tough for humans to keep up."
The Heat were bounced from the 2010 playoffs by the eventual Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics, largely because they were unable to find a reliable second scoring option to take some of the pressure off Wade. Bosh, coming off a season in which he averaged 24 points per game, is an ideal candidate to provide the spark that Miami has lacked offensively. "The only place Chris won't score is in the hotel room" said General Manager Pat Riley, wryly smiling as he referenced Bosh's unique anatomical make up as an Avatar. Riley did acknowledge that Bosh probably would not be aroused by human women anyway. "The less distractions the better, at least from our perspective" Riley commented. When asked if his lack of visible genitalia would be an issue with his teammates in the locker room, Riley was dismissive. "We just had Jermaine O'Neil here for two seasons, and he didn't have any balls either. He got along just fine."
The Heat are making some special adjustments for Bosh within the organization. Bosh asked that all employees donate 10% of their salaries to organizations that promote world peace. Additionally, he demanded that the grounds and maintenance staff stop pulling weeds and spraying insecticide because he claims that it "radically disrupts his life force". Team dinners will also now feature five quarts of berries imported from Bosh's native Navi. "Its pretty much all I eat, so it would be great if I didn't have to bring them from my dwelling" the talented forward said. When asked about how he related to Bosh's pricey demands, coach Erik Spolestra said that he "would let him [Bosh] play in war paint and a loin cloth if he puts up 20-10 every night". Famous last words.