Interview for Journalism 200z

Effortless
Bisexuality no burden for Claire Luber, who seems to take everything in stride.

Usually when a person who isn’t straight comes out to a friend and it doesn’t go well, the “friend” does not accept the concrete, tangible reality that is now out in the open. Closed mindedness, homophobia or insecurity about his own sexuality causes the listener feelings of awkwardness and even condemnation. Claire Luber, a brilliantly incisive 21-year- old junior at UAlbany majoring in Forensic Chemistry, has the opposite problem as a bisexual: hardly anyone takes her sexual orientation seriously. “Since so many drunk college girls make out at parties and sort of glorify it as part of their normal experimentation, people just assume that my sexual orientation is a phase. It bothers me. People must think that I haven’t thought this through.”
Luber speaks about her sexuality with confidence and candor. “Honestly, I wouldn’t choose to be straight if I could. If I did, it would be like admitting that there was a problem with it. Being bisexual is literally no inconvenience on my life at all. Plus, I’m half straight anyway.” She identifies UAlbany as a mostly positive environment for people with varying sexual orientations. “You know, it sure isn’t Providence Town, and I don’t see a lot of straight people jumping on the gay pride community bandwagon, but no one has ever discriminated against me here. I’ve never felt judged by anyone once I got them to believe that I’m actually bisexual.”
Her environment, however, has not always been quite so conducive. “My Dad joked with me about it and was really supportive when I came out to him freshman year. He said it was a total non issue to him. " Claire’s mother’s reaction was markedly more tempered. “It made my mom a little uncomfortable. She said that she would just have to try and understand it, but now we just don’t talk about it very much, and I guess thats fine with me. We still have a great relationship.”
Claire’s high school in Syracuse was not very gay friendly, so it was easy for her to focus on boys in during her teen years and write off her attractions to girls as “just noticing which ones were pretty, like anyone else would.” When her freshman year of college came around, Claire met a girl who sparked a change in the practice of her sexuality. “I made friends with this girl that was bi early on in the semester, and I found out she had a crush on me. I thought she was really hot, but I was so scared to make a move”. Luber cites her inexperience with girls as the source of intense nervousness. “I was so deathly afraid that I would do something wrong that I had to be drunk to get the courage to try and talk to her about it. I’d hooked up with guys before obviously, but this just seemed like a whole different thing. Finally, one night, she walked me home, I’d been drinking, and I just grabbed her and threw her into my dorm room. I went for it, and when I kissed her I almost threw up from how nervous I was. I was shaking, but after I got over the initial shock everything was great.”
Luber’s story is a refreshing one. In wake of the recent crisis at Rutgers, it is good to know that there are college students who are comfortable enough with their sexuality to affirm it openly without fear of condemnation. You won’t come across many individuals with a stronger sense of self than Ms. Luber. When I asked her what she thought of concept of gay pride, Luber replied that “it’s great for people to be comfortable with their sexuality and to be vocal about that if they want to be, but I’m just proud of who I am. I like girls, and I like guys. Just the way it is.” The interview ended there. We sat in silence for a few seconds, neither of us exactly sure what people talk about after discursive sexuality discussions for journalistic purposes. A guy in a UAlbany soccer hoodie walked by and locked his eyes on Claire, who was sporting a pretty short skirt and wore a cream flower in her hair. She flashed him a quick smile and he sheepishly looked away, at least as nervous as Claire was before her first hookup with a girl. She melted him. "He never had a chance, did he? I asked. "Nope," she said, without even looking up from her notebook. Luber had some serious chemistry homework to attend to, as well as a radio show to plan. I’d be proud, too.

Some thoughts I had today while mowing the lawn at work:

If there is a common link among Voltaire, Franklin, Mozart, Descartes, and Shakespeare, I would imagine that it is a deep seated affinity for lawn mowing. I get all of my best ideas while mowing the lawn, and those men were all really good at having the best ideas. I find that lawn mowing requires just enough focus so as to prevent laboring over a thought to the extent of exhaustion or loss of enthusiasm, but is rhythmically repetitive enough to allow the brain to flow freely while the body is on semi-auto pilot. There is no pressure to come up with anything good, because, after all, you aren’t the CEO of a Washington think tank, you’re mowing a damn lawn. Anything else that comes of it besides shorter grass and burnt calories is icing on the cake..........

I am amiss in not mentioning John Adams with the aforementioned lawn mowing luminaries. I’m reading a biography of Adams this summer (this will be deemed the third gayest thing about me, aside from the red pants and making out with dudes) and am thoroughly impressed. Well written in a scholarly, but not professorial tone by noted historian/author David McCullough, I have found out some awesome things about Adams that I’d like to pass along:

He was the primary drafter of the Massachusetts Constitution, the longest standing constitution IN THE WORLD!!! In spite of the fact that I was drilled from a young age to believe that the New York State Constitution was the primary influence of our nation’s governing document, (potentially an example of educational bias) the very structure of the United States Constitution was taken from Adams' creation, which included a preamble and a declaration of rights. Adams called for a governor, a judiciary, and a two house legislature, an early nod to the importance of the separation of powers. The two house legislature was of particular importance to Adams, who judged an ambitious aristocracy a greater threat to the democratic process than a strong executive, and therefore explains why he felt the legislature needed an additional check upon itself. This ideology eventually distanced him from some contemporaries like Thomas Jefferson, who was wary of a strong executive and favored a smaller government. That is, of course, until he became President, and proceeded to double the size of the country, unsuccessfully attempt to invoke “executive privilege” to get out of testifying against Aaron Burr (who he accused of treason in the first place), and create an executive order against blacks being letter carriers, in spite of the fact that he banged his slave Sally Hemming so often that Bill Clinton cited Jefferson as the “president I patterned my extra marital sex life after. “ Great dude, that Jefferson.

While keeping the home front in order by writing tons of love letters to his wife Abagail, Adams turned his hotel room into a 1780s version of the Young Money tour bus while on extended diplomatic missions in Europe. Adams is the captain of the “underrated pimps team,” with co-captain Buddy Holly, and additional teammates Napoleon and Ghengis Khan, (pretty much picked from their massive empires) and Ramses II, who reportedly sired over 100 children and erected nearly as many pyramids.

Adams is totally misrepresented by history as a bland, bookish douchebag. Though he had a temper and was the pre-eminent legal scholar in America, Adams was a certifiable badass. While on diplomatic voyage to England, his naval ship became embroiled in a heated battle with a British war vessel. The captain implored him to stay in his quarters below the deck, but only minutes later he saw Adams up top, musket in hand, firing shots at the enemy and yelping commands at young soldiers. On another occasion, his sea transport to Spain from Britain was going to be delayed three months, so he was like “fuck it, I’ll go over the Alps on horseback because I’m John Adams, my cousin Sam Whiz makes moderately listenable hip-hop and I’m a G”.........

Its getting harder for me to justify my “Kobe v A-Rod” comparison. Through high school, I always considered them pretty similar: supremely talented, supremely vain, too focused on money and personal accolades, and, as the primary offensive option on a playoff team, more likely to amass gaudy stats than hardware. In the last couple years, though, A-Rod’s image seems to have really regressed, and Kobe seems to have elevated his historical status from “remarkable scorer, petulant child” to “remarkable competitor you’ll tell your children about”. The big difference seems to be that A-Rod’s biggest flaws (inability to deal with pressure, disingenuous nature, selfishness) were all legitimized by the most significant development of his career, his admission to PED use, while Bryant’s flaws (competitiveness to the point of ridiculousness, need to be “the guy” at all costs, obsession with MJ’s legacy that Bill Simmons deemed “creepy”) almost became positives in the midst of the most significant development of his career, his two championships without Shaq. All of the sudden, he’s driven, he’s clutch, and he’s (fairly or unfairly) being compared to Jordan. It doesn’t help A-Rod’s case that he hit below .270 in four consecutive playoff series in the mid-2000s with the Yankees, while Kobe has built his reputation on being an efficiently durable playoff machine. Simmons noted that Kobe’s ability to re-invent himself after the rape trial as an all business, super focused basketball assassin gave him a cache, an identity, something that A-Rod has never been able to develop. Sure, Kobe still has flaws; anyone who saw Spike Lee’s documentary knows that A-Rod isn’t the only pro athlete who is less than genuine for the cameras, but I think that the 2010 finals are a microcosm of Kobe’s career- classic all around play on both ends of the floor- (28-8-4-2 steals-89%FT), slightly too much chucking (40% FG), unmatched tough shot making in the face of great defense, showed his underrated ability to orchestrate the offense (anyone who thinks Derek Fisher is a point guard and not a spot up shooter who occasionally dribbles the ball up court when Kobe lets him is kidding themselves. Next time you watch a Lakers game this season, notice how many great passes Kobe makes that lead to assists) and one game where it was apparent he didn’t have it, forced the issue anyways in his quest to be the biggest stud in senior hall at all times, hurt his team in the process and had to be rescued by the best big guy in the league. The difference: now he gets it and shows flashes of humility, admitting after the game that he got caught up in the moment, wanted it too badly, and was bailed out by his good friend “the Spaniard. ” (Gasol, who turned in a spirited 19-18). After A-Rod’s absolutely monster 2007 season (.314, 54 HRs, 156 RBI) if you told me that by 2010, he would be taking self awareness lessons from a solidly more productive Kobe Bryant, I’d tell you you were nuts. Sort of like how you’ll tell me I’m nuts when I craft my “Lebron James is still the best player in basketball” blog, coming very soon.....

Lots of people in early rock and roll were not fantastic instrumentalists, in the same way that the people on Jersey Shore are not fantastic scholars. Many people would probably assume Elvis was good at guitar because he was an iconic rock star who, by all accounts, played guitar, never mind the fact he often had it draped around his neck like an ornament and sometimes didn’t touch it for songs at a time. Elvis would not stick out around a campfire on the merits of his guitar playing. Same for Johnny Cash, ditto for Ringo Starr on the drums in his early years (listen to the percussion on “Love Me Do” sometime. Ouch). You know who was not all all like this? Ray Charles. Ray Charles, aside from having one of the most distinct and acrobatic voices in pop music, absolutely murdered the piano and organ. Equally adept at laying down the swaying backbone for a sweet gospel joint or taking the listener on a joyously meandering jazz solo, Charles had total command of his instrument. (Trying to avoid cheap blind joke, still trying, struggling........) This command was doubly impressive, because he couldn’t read sheet music, or anything else. (Damn.)

As a general rule, I would rather have one of something “spectacular” than two of something “very good”. I would rather own one Mercedes than two Chevy Impalas. I would rather hook up with Megan Fox than any two girls at SUNY Albany. I’m sure the Lakers would let Andrew Bynum and Ron Artest walk before Kobe Bryant, and I’m equally sure Nas would take every copy of “It Was Written” and “Hip Hop is Dead” out of circulation to keep “Illmatic” in record stores everywhere. Humans like the very good (Catch Me If You Can) and rave about the transcendent (Saving Private Ryan). As Mike Greenberg of ESPN Radio once quipped: “Two nickels don’t necessarily equal a dime”.

Greenie’s advice is particularly good for the UAlbany Student Association’s concert commission. It has long been a tradition (and by “it has long been a tradition” I mean to say “in the two years that I’ve been here”) to provide students with two concerts; one first semester towards the end of fall, and one at the end of the year. The end of the year concert is either called “Parkfest” (and by “park” they mean to say “in a big fucking gym”) or, like this year, “We got lazy and told Flo-Rida that if he came to Fountain Day and danced vigorously with a microphone in his hand we would buy him lunch at Five Guys” Fest. The concert was as impressive as the name was catchy, and since we were all in a fountain, no one was wearing apple bottom jeans, nor, even more regrettably, boots with the furs.

In spite of the ill advised foray into the world of Tramar Dillard, I gotta say that the concert commission has done a “very good” job. You can’t argue with the lineup two years ago featuring Lupe Fiasco in the Fall and Nas in the Spring. Unless, of course, you’re like me, and would rather see all available concert funds pooled together to have one absolutely awesome concert. Lupe and Nas were both great concerts, but they will not be filed under the heading of “transcendent memories of college that I will not forget even when I’m shitting all over myself in a nursing home.” Lupe only played for around 45 minutes, and Nas sported his patented “eeeek, there’s more than five white people in this room” scowl for much of the show. Not all college concerts are like this: very good, with some definite qualifiers and quibbles. Some are just fucking awesome. I have a friend who goes to Penn State, and she speaks of the Jay-Z concert that she attended in reverential tones, almost the same way you’d expect a recently ordained priest to speak of meeting the Pope, if only the Pope had golden hair and spoke only in in four part harmony while accompanying himself on the harp. He’d probably have to levitate for good measure. She says that when the lights went down, everyone was screaming like the girls at the Ed Sullivan theatre for the Beatles first performance in America. She said he didn’t seem to treat it any differently than a show at a major venue- he was into it from the beginning and really responded to the student’s rabid energy, a vibe that you can only really find at a college concert. This is really not surprising; Jay is the ultimate professional. He performs with the cool execution of Jordan dicing up a defense in his prime, and, like Jordan, has a keen sense of the moment- he knows when to kick it back and get real with “Song Cry”, and he knows when to make everyone lose it with “PSA”. There is a definite “I can’t believe I’m in the same room as Jay-Z” factor, too. The chills of a transcendent concert, like a Jay-Z show, leave you with an afterglow that can overpower a week of shitty classes, laundry, and tasteless food. Isn’t that worth sacrificing a rather ordinarily good concert for? Isn’t the opportunity to have one uniquely memorable college weekend a better prospect than two really fun ones?

If we can agree that efficiently pooling the resources (no $30,000 Sean Kingston- esque
openers, only need to pay security and staff once, ect) for one better concert is worth it, the big question looms- What artist is worth the money? Essentially, I think finances indicate whether we get a Tier One Super-Duper Concert Star or a Tier Two Super Concert Star. A tier one star is a tried and true mega-stud of entertainment who transcends their genre, generates headlines even when they don’t have an upcoming album or concert tour, has truly elite chops (sorry, Lady Gaga) and would generate interest among students who don’t listen to them but would wind up going just because its a chance to witness someone that famous in person. A Tier Two Super Concert Star may not be as tried and true, but a more recent phenomena that may wind up having tons of staying power- or may not. If they don’t transcend their genre, they are about as good as it gets in their own. They may not generate non music related headlines, but you could easily find them interviewed in any national magazine on any topic. Their chops may not be elite, but would be very good, and would generate 85% as much non-fan interest as a Tier One.
Tier One would include, but would not be limited to-
-Jay-Z
-Eminem
-Beyonce
-Coldplay
-Springsteen
-The White Stripes
-Lil Wayne
-Kanye West
-Alicia Keys

Tier Two would include, but would not be limited to-
-Passion Pit
-The Kings of Leon
-Lady Gaga
-Taylor Swift
-MGMT
-Drake (with another fairly big name)
-Kid Kudi (with another fairly big name)
-MIA (with another fairly big name)
-The Roots

I realize this may seem excessive- a long, meandering blog post all about having one concert instead of two. Like its really that big of a deal? Recall, though, that I am not that cool and live to listen to good music. Having our concerts at school be 100% as memorable as possible instead of 68% is meaningful to me, and if I can get a revised, coherent, concise, and well written version of this blog post in the school paper, maybe someone will listen. Or maybe not. At the very least, I hope you’ll debate the “Tier One vs. Tier Two” acts with me, and maybe come up with some of your own. And by “you” I primarily mean Mike Campana . In any case, at least whatever show we get will be more entertaining than the regularly scheduled SEFCU programming, the basketball team, assuming we at least eclipse “Interpretive Dance with Rosie O’Donnel” levels. I remain eternally optimistic.

Heat sign Bosh, League's Lone Avatar

It was a celebratory press conference for the faithful in Wade County Wednesday afternoon. The Miami Heat added low post scoring, shot blocking, and, most notably, diversity to a previously all human locker room Friday by receiving a commitment from high profile free agent Chris Bosh. The coveted forward made an electric entrance by arriving to the Heat's practice facility on a massive reptilian bird. Bosh, the league's only Avatar, parked his winged Ikran named Ayowe next to fellow superstar Dwyane Wade's new Boxter Z380. A tense moment ensued as Ayowe ate Wade's recently purchased automobile in three swift chomps, but Wade made light of the situation when he quipped to reporters that "honestly, I was glad I could film that whole thing with my Sidekick and send it to Chuck. He's in my five you know!." "Dwyane's humor really makes me feel welcome here in Miami. I think with my new deal being set in place, I'll be able to buy him a new one" Bosh hissed through a translator.
Bosh, though short by Avatar standards, (the average is 9'6) stands 6'10, extremely tall for a human and more than adequate to play the power forward position in the NBA. With a dangerous mid range jump shot, an array of post moves and deft passing ability, Bosh is a highly polished forward. However, it is his remarkable agility and explosiveness that truly sets him apart. Though blogspot cautions against speciesism, one NBA scout who spoke on the condition of anonymity tells us that "Avatars just jump out of the freaking gym. You just can't teach it. Its really tough for humans to keep up."
The Heat were bounced from the 2010 playoffs by the eventual Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics, largely because they were unable to find a reliable second scoring option to take some of the pressure off Wade. Bosh, coming off a season in which he averaged 24 points per game, is an ideal candidate to provide the spark that Miami has lacked offensively. "The only place Chris won't score is in the hotel room" said General Manager Pat Riley, wryly smiling as he referenced Bosh's unique anatomical make up as an Avatar. Riley did acknowledge that Bosh probably would not be aroused by human women anyway. "The less distractions the better, at least from our perspective" Riley commented. When asked if his lack of visible genitalia would be an issue with his teammates in the locker room, Riley was dismissive. "We just had Jermaine O'Neil here for two seasons, and he didn't have any balls either. He got along just fine."
The Heat are making some special adjustments for Bosh within the organization. Bosh asked that all employees donate 10% of their salaries to organizations that promote world peace. Additionally, he demanded that the grounds and maintenance staff stop pulling weeds and spraying insecticide because he claims that it "radically disrupts his life force". Team dinners will also now feature five quarts of berries imported from Bosh's native Navi. "Its pretty much all I eat, so it would be great if I didn't have to bring them from my dwelling" the talented forward said. When asked about how he related to Bosh's pricey demands, coach Erik Spolestra said that he "would let him [Bosh] play in war paint and a loin cloth if he puts up 20-10 every night". Famous last words.